The testing is over
Personal ·Well. Here I go. A blog about my thoughts and ideas. I don’t have many thoughts. Or ideas. I feel like I just float through life being buffeted by whatever comes my way.
I remember being asked by the careers counselor at school what I wanted to be in life. I didn’t have a clue. I was a suicidal 15 year old so I just said I wanted to be happy. I was asked again when I was at college. now a suicidal 17 year old. I still didn’t know. I didn’t know at 20, 30 or 40. I’m now 51 and I still don’t know. Nor do I care now. I’ve sailed through life without any goal or vision. I’ve seen people i love die before their time. I’ve seen relationships crumble and dreams shatter. So I just keep floating through life.
I’ve made half hearted attempts at life. I’ve had moments where things seemed to be going well_._ But they fade away eventually. I’ve been good, bad, selfish, selfless and on occasions illegal. But nothing seems to stick. I’ve thrown myself into interests 110% but eventually the bubble bursts and I’m looking for the next hook. The next thing I can cling onto in the hope it can catapult me through the rest of my life. It’s a lot to ask of something.
This all sounds so pointless as a life. We’ve only got one life so live it. So they say. But it’s like being given a book and told to read it. And enjoy it. It’s the only book you’re ever going to have. So make the most of it. So you slog your way through page after page of mundane story. Just hoping you can get through it quickly. To get to the end and breathe your last sigh of relief that it’s finally over.
The end.
